32 Days of FET

If you’re reading this that means we have finally shared the news that we did ANOTHER frozen embryo transfer. No, you are not alone.. We didn’t tell anyone, not even our parents that this was going down!

I logged this cycle with a little entry of each day, either something that happened, what i’m feeling, or a little bit of both. 

A little history - following our miscarriage we were very torn on what to do. We had the opportunity to choose the due date if we waited and did a cycle whenever. But it basically came down to the fact that we didn’t care. We didn’t care when Baby Wilson would come Earth-side, we just wanted it and we wanted it ASAP. So we got the go ahead to transfer within 6 weeks post D&C. Leading into this cycle I was absolutely terrified of what could or more like could not happen to me again.

So here it goes:

3/16: I knew that waiting for my cycle to start this go around would be a pain, from what i've read it isn't normal post-D&C. So after I was a week late, the clinic decide to put me on Provera which would induce my period. Since my period is so late I probably won't have time to do the BC (birth control) portion. THANK GOODNESS!

3/17: I am already feeling crampy thanks to the Provera, its kind of weird to induce a wrath such as my cycle on myself.  

3/18: Still nothing. I don’t know why I’m surprised. Provera can take up to 10 days to induce a cycle. 

 

- I skipped a few days here because reading about me waiting around is probably as much fun as actually waiting around. You’re welcome internet.

 

3/28: CYCLE DAY 1. It’s funny the emotions you go through on the first day of your cycle. A year ago I would cry, because that meant I wasn’t pregnant. 6 months ago I would jump for joy because that meant we could move forward with treatment. Today I cried. Not because I wasn’t pregnant (I cry about that all the time) but because I’m so terrified of this round.  

3/29: Today I had to call the clinic and let them know my cycle had started. And I have a hysterscopy scheduled for tomorrow.  

A hysterscopy is where they put a small camera thru the cervix into the uterus to make sure everything has passed from the miscarriage  

3/30: If you saw my Instagram rant, you know how the hysterscopy went. And if you didn’t, IT WAS AWFUL.

Start estradiol tonight.

 

3/31: Already feeling the hormones, someone save Alec!  

4/1: I just want to cry, and yell and nobody knows. I feel like I have no outlet keeping this secret. And nobody knows why I’m acting like a total jerk face. 

4/2: 

4/3: I feel so gross. And stressed. And tired. But I can't sleep. And I remember feeling this way every cycle and I don't know why I'm putting myself through this again.

First blood draw today.  

Estrogen levels came back good! 

4/4: I have polished off 2 bags of sweet potato fries since starting this cycle ... I hate sweet potatoes. Last cycle I loved onions all the sudden so apparently it’s sweet potato fries this round  

4/5: Unable to sleep + wacky dreams = my current situation  

4/8: We decided to refinance our house in the middle of a cycle - so that’s going as well as you’d expect. I've also officially wrecked my sleeping habits by staying up til 2am to sleeping until 11am. 

4/9: Can’t sleep .. So I googled an online calculator that said our chances of a successful birth this cycle are only 25%. 

 4/10: I have been so bad about taking my medications this cycle .. it’s 5pm and I can’t remember if I took my morning dose? So do I just take it? Or wait for my night dose? .. this cycle has been very hard on my body - mentally and physically. 

4/11: Today is the final blood draw + ultrasound before transfer day! WHAT! We need to see a thick uterine lining (usually anything more than 8mm is good). I will also be starting progesterone injections tonight if all looks good. 

Update: everything looks “beautiful” my lining is measuring at 12mm. Last cycle I was at 8mm and the cycle before I was at 9mm. Basically this is it! There’s even a stripe they like to see that means all the hormones are perfect. 

here I am getting my hopes up!

 milestone card by: @meligrafi

milestone card by: @meligrafi

4/12: Last nights injection was a shit show. I realized that the progesterone I JUST bought a few weeks ago has expired! HOW?! So I call the on-call nurse because I don’t know if I should take it or wait and if I wait will it ruin our schedule? .. then he goes “are you bleeding? Are you pregnant and experiencing pains?” 😶 

I’m usually not rude but I was so pissed. Plus don’t talk down to a lady on a boat-load of hormones dude. The guy even made me spell our “progesterone” because he had no idea what I was talking about.  

We decided to just do the shot and shortly after my doctor called and told me it was okay to use. 

But I still can’t believe that on-call guy.  

4/13:  Today I went in for a reading/energy healing session. I have felt off since the miscarriage and D&C. I’ve tried meditating myself but sometimes it’s so hard to heal yourself. 

It was absolutely amazing. Brenda has done energy healing for many women trying to conceive that get pregnant shortly after! It’s always nice to get little messages from Conor too. ❤️ 

She talked so much about our baby that was coming and she also said that it’s the same baby that tried to come in January, but they just weren’t strong enough. She also told me how this baby has chosen us and is certain that we will be the best parents.  

During my energy healing she said “your uterus has a lot of vibrations happening! It’s ready for this baby!” .. I just thought good! Cause baby’s going in on Monday!  

It got me all excited and even more love for the sweet babe coming.  

A little worried though. We are transferring two embryos again. So we’ll see what happens.  

4/14: My last sushi dinner happened last night. 😭 🍣 

4/15: How the heck are we transferring tomorrow? This cycle has flow by.  

We have so much to do to prepare the house to allow me to sit around for 2 days. 😂 everyone’s going to think I’m a lazy bum .. little do they know I’ll be growing little embabies. 😱 

I've noticed that the progesterone knotted a lot quicker. Usually I don’t notice it until 7 days in but from the first shot I started getting knots. I’m not sure what that’s about!

 Henry cuddles after a Progesterone injection. 

Henry cuddles after a Progesterone injection. 

4/16: Transfer day. I opted for the Valium for this transfer so I probably shouldn’t even be writing this right now. 😅 

It was so quick this time. Two beautiful embryos. We did use embryo glue this time as well.  

The current fog I’m in is the exact reason I didn’t want to take Valium with any other transfer. But I felt myself getting emotional right away but then as soon as that happened the Valium kicked in and I was good to go.  

lLet the 12 day wait begin.  

Oh but 12 days is a Saturday and I honestly hate the sandy office. So they told me I could come in at 11 days on Friday. 🎉  

4/17: lol I love the fact that I thought it was okay to write that 👆🏻 In the state I was in! I didn’t say anything crazy, but it wasn’t informative at all. 😂 however I think I’ll keep it.  

I’m going to do a more description account of our transfer today: 

We did our transfer at 8AM - yes that’s early. We had to do it this early because Alec is in school this week and he still ended up missing a few hours but it just worked out to do it in the morning. 

We got there and waited for forever - as usual. They were extremely unorganized this time. The doctor tried to talk to us before the nurse, the nurse didn’t tell me how to continue my medications (which led to me talking to my usual nurses while high as a kite), and we never got our embryo report. We had no idea the quality of embryos we were transferring or the quality that were still frozen.  

Once they took us back, for me to undress and Alec had to suit up they said “we’ll be back to grab you shortly” ... we seriously sat there (me, without pants) for 15 minutes!  

They finally came back and once we got the transfer going it was super quick! The embryologist brought our picture back - both embryos had assisted hatching. We were chatting and I started to feel the tears coming! About this point is when the Valium kicked in and I seriously thought I was going to fall asleep.  

I remember most of it but I could barely keep my eyes open. I've never taken Valium before but this was exactly what I didn’t want to happen with my first, two transfers. But I’m grateful it kicked in when it did because I don’t think I would have made it through this transfer without a sob-fest. 

Afterwards I was so high I couldn’t put my pants on. 😂 Thank goodness Alec was there. 

I slept all the way home and then I crawled into bed and slept some more.  

Embryos first meal was this delicious Indian spread with Chicken Korma and Naan that I had delivered straight to our door. If that doesn’t make them wanna stick around I don’t know what will. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

 

 - photos from transfer day - when I got home and laid down Henry laid there with his paws on my belly. 😭 It was so cute!

4/18: Last night I woke up to the craziest cramp .. Last cycle I had slight cramping starting the day after transfer but about 6dp5dt in they would stop me in my tracks. Which is why we thought it was late implanting. I asked my group about this and some people got faint positive tests at 4dp5dt!! Mind blowing (mine was faint at 8dp5dt) - but this just means it could’ve been implantation. So we’ll see if they keep coming! 

4/19: No more significant cramping which kind of worries me. I feel weird though - because I know now what it feels like to be pregnant (tired & hungry) and the last couple days I’ve been tired and hungry. But is my head just playing tricks on me? I think we’re going to test Monday (7dp5dt) so I just need to make it through the weekend. 

4/20: I was starting to worry about the lack of cramping .. but don’t worry it’s officially here. Around noon today it started coming in waves and it has been happening ever since. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to self-combust from this secret. 

4/21: Still a little crampy .. It’s different though it feels more like period cramps this time. It didn’t at all last time. It was a cramp I hadn’t experienced so I can’t relate it to anything other than implantation cramping. It’s been a solid mix of period like cramps and what I think are implantation cramps. But who the hell knows anymore. 

4/22: I’ve been having all sorts of dreams the last couple nights (possible symptom??) but last night I dreamt I was pregnant and there was something wrong with our baby that made it so one of their little arms stopped growing. 😭 And in the dream I said “we had genetic testing done on each of us (Alec and I) and we knew this was a possibility” - however we did have genetic testing done but we had nothing come back that would indicate this would be something we would pass down. But in my dream I felt like it was my fault and that I should’ve done PGS testing on this embryo so that I would have known something wasn’t right and it was so emotional!  

4/23: Last night we went to the store for the essentials - Mountain Dew and pregnancy tests. I have figured out 7dp5dt is a pretty definitive day - where most people get results. Last cycle we tested at 8dp5dt but only because we couldn’t the day before for some reason that I now can't remember.

IMG_0886.JPG

This morning I woke up at 5am with Alec so that I could test. I wish I could put into words the anxiety and fear that happens for an entire 3 minutes. It’s the longest/fastest 3 minutes I’ve ever experienced.  

I left my test in the bathroom while I waited and had Alec grab it .. I immediately knew that he had seen it ... and it was good news! 

We hugged and I cried and Alec said “we’ve passed the first hurdle”. 

This test at 7dp5dt is WAY darker than my test was at 8dp5dt last cycle. Which should hopefully mean my levels are higher! Baby Wilson is definitely in the making .. 😭❤️

 

 7dp5dt  

7dp5dt  

4/24: this morning I woke up to some brownish/reddish spotting and I was absolutely terrified. I called my clinic immediately and while I waited to hear back from them I took another test. I know that brownish spotting means it’s old blood so it could be irritation from the transfer making its way out or debris from implantation but I was so worried. 

My pregnancy test actually looked darker! Which was a relief and surprising to see such a difference in one day.

 8dp5dt

8dp5dt

Finally my nurse called me back and said that this is totally normal and that it should go away. I laid in bed as long as I possibly could for the rest of the morning and sure enough it was gone by noon. Crisis averted. 

4/25: No scares this morning. Just another crazy dream about TWINS! This is my first dream this week that has consisted of not just one baby but TWO. We’ll see if that means anything. Two more days til beta.  

 9dp5dt 

9dp5dt 

Oh and today’s pregnancy test is brought to you by the number 9. For 9dp5dt. 😆

I found tiny bit of spotting once this afternoon, just so weird. It could be implantation, it could be one of the embryos on its way out, it could be both? Who the F knows. 

4/26: 3 years ago today we lost Conor. It’s been a rough slow day. 

I did however start the day off right with an extremely positive pregnancy test.  

I can’t believe tomorrow is beta.  

 10dp5dt

10dp5dt

4/27: beta day! I woke up at 5am and couldn’t go back to sleep - our appointment wasn’t until 8am. 🤦🏻‍♀️

When we got to the clinic the nurse asked if I tested and home and I told them I had a SUPER dark positive on MONDAY! They were all so excited for us the nurse ran and told the others. 😂 It was the sweetest thing and it even got me all excited. I’ve been so hesitant.  

After the clinic we went to breakfast to waste some time.  

They called us super quick today and she said CONGRATULATIONS! My beta came back at 743! Holy cow. We thought I’d be in the 400s so we were totally blown away. 

I have my first ultrasound scheduled for the 7th of May.  

Shortly after the nurse called our doctor called us and told us he bets it’s twins! 😱😅 Slightly terrifying but we knew the chances were high implanting two embryos. We won’t know for sure how many until the 7th. For now we just wait for more pregnancy symptoms to arrive.  

I’m going to end this post here. We have once again made it through the FET process, and gotten a positive result! This time seems much more promising but I’m still so hesitant to be happy. 

Now on to experiencing the first few weeks of  pregnancy again, except this time in secret. 🤫

Kylee WilsonComment